Welcome back to my blog series on James Clear’s Atomic Habits! In my premiere blog, we talked about the first chapter, a chapter about creating tiny new changes or shifts in your habits that can help you reach your goals. It describes how the systems you put into place are the key to helping you reach your goals, and, without the proper systems, the goal becomes unattainable.
At the end of my last blog, I shared the tiny shift that helped me spend less money, spend more time with my husband, and get my dogs back in shape. While this outcome is a great testament to these systems, I have to say as a reminder that it will NOT always work the first time; this time just happened to align for me. I have been doing this for the past 2 weeks, and for the most part, we have been consistent. We still try to go out at least once a week but otherwise, crock pot meals it is. To push you in the right direction, I have added my favorite one to the bottom as a little treat. But in the meantime, let’s dive into this week’s topic: how your habits shape your identity and how to build better habits. Now please keep in mind this is my take on the book. I would love for you all to follow along, and we can have a SPENGA Family Book Club :).
What does it mean that your habits shape your identity? We often try to change our habits in the wrong way, or we change the wrong thing. “One way of looking at it is…We say what do I want to achieve instead of who we want to become”. For example, it’s the small wording we use in our goals. Saying “I want to lose weight” vs. “I want to become a healthier version of myself” says very different things about who we would be fundamentally as a person. Clear analogies, “Imagine there are two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a cigarette one person says ‘I am trying to quit’, while the other says ‘no thanks I am not a smoker’. Although the first response sounds normal, they are insinuating that they are still the bad habit, while the other states they are no longer that person. Now it’s not as simple as who you want to identify as; it’s about how you will change part of yourself that poorly impacts the person you are. It’s about adjusting to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. We, as humans, tend to state the negative before the positive. I would not usually call myself a writer, however, if I start to write every day, I will, in fact, become a writer (this doesn’t mean I am excellent at writing, but I am, quite literally, someone who writes). As you try to shift your habits, think of it as who you want to become, not what you are doing. Think of it as you are shaping your identity. If you truly think about your life, that is what it is. It is you repeating what you have learned to do. Children learn habits from childhood and decide to continue or change that habit when they get older. It is up to them to change their identity to become the person they want to be. The beauty is you get to do this whenever you want, but at the end of the day, you have to WANT to become a better version of yourself, for you. Becoming a new you takes work, it takes commitment, it takes desire, and it takes time.
Clear states there is a feedback loop you can think about. There is a cue that brings a craving, a response, and a reward. Now, just hearing this process seems like a complicated psych study, but let me put it in perspective with a fun little feedback loop that I just went through. Picture this: I have spent the last 20 years raising kids, and within that 20, the last 10 as an Orangetheory Coach, my career beginning with a 10-year-old, 9-year-old, and 7-year-old. I thought my identity was just that of an Orangetheory coach. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I was anything more at that point. What was hard is I did love my identity until I no longer did. I loved being a coach, a leader, a friend, and a support system for co-workers, for members, and overall just loved the community I was a part of. But I got into this habit of putting work first; I lost the ability to be present in my life. So, I had to choose, and I decided to walk away. I allowed this repeated behavior of not being able to say no. This was no one else’s fault but my own (cue my favorite song OWN IT- Adelitas WAY). SO instead of being a Mom first and a career woman second, I allowed myself to become someone I didn’t love. I took some time to be with my kids, who are now 20, 19, and 17, and quickly realized I did lose a part of my identity when I left there, but I didn’t lose being an Orangetheory coach. I lost doing what I loved. I lost being the version of me that I did indeed strive to be. I love to lead a team, help people, and help members strive to see and KNOW their potential, whether as a member or as an employee. But I ALSO love being a mom. I also love putting my family first; I realized I could do both. I just needed to adjust some of my habits. And I tell you, the moment I realized this was when the feedback loop hit me.
CUE: I saw the SPENGA sign (Best.Werkout.Ever.) while visiting my mom at Tony’s.
CRAVING: I want to be a part of and help create a great space and community for others.
RESPONSE: I walk down and, oddly enough, meet Cheresa (who is the owner and at the time wasn’t there often due to her other job).
REWARD: I became a part of an amazing community that values my time with my family and the family I am trying to help create at SPENGA.
Nobody said this process was an easy one. It takes a lot of strength and courage to overcome obstacles and lose parts of who you were, but it’s all worth it in the end. SPENGA has given me the reward of being both a mom and a coach, which means the world to me. It was on me to turn that craving into a reward, and it is up to you to do the same for yourself and take the next step to be the person you want to be.
I read most of this book based on my outlook on things. I love that Clear puts things in perspective. While other self-help authors might put it in the view of some complicated biological process or through the lens of themselves, he connects it to the reader. As an author, he puts things on you, not the world around you and the circumstances that get in the way. Clear is not shy about making it apparent that this journey comes down to one fundamental thing: you. YOU are successful when YOU want it and when YOU create systems that make YOU better. I love it because here at SPENGA, we base our belief system on the same thing. This is a YOU vs. YOU, but if you are willing, we have the systems to help you become the better version you crave.
Here is one of my favorite crock pot recipes I promised:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRnCvDKWx1A
